The pain is pulsing through my body as I lie in my very comfortable bed. 

Something about going to bed brings back all the pain that I had tried to push aside and ignore all day. 

Everything is quiet, but my body is screaming. 

It feels like my body is being set on fire from the inside. 

My heart is beating in every part of my body.

I’m exhausted from fighting all day all I want to do is to sleep.

But how am I supposed to sleep when my body is on fire?

I wait for the pain medication to dull my pain, I just want to sleep…

As I finally fall asleep, I am looking forward to a break from the constant pain.

I’m sure I’ll wake up at 2 a.m. in excruciating pain.

But an hour or two of relief is sufficient for the time being.

I just want the pain to stop, to go away for a while.

My body is exhausted, my brain is worn out, and I am tired of pretending that I am okay.

Maybe that is why she screams at night, 

I am no longer trying to hide her from the people around me.

I am no longer trying to pretend that I am okay.

I am not okay and that is okay for now. 

Stay Strong,

Michaela